the crazy Nigerian email

From: "Edward Agu" <edward_agu@msn.com> 
Subject: HELLO MY DEAR
Date: Mon, 10 Oct 2005 22:02:52 +0000

   
HELLO MY DEAR

Manager of Auditting Dept.
Union BANK PLC.
Republic Of Nigeria.
Good Day,
Courtesy of Business opportunity, I take liberty anchored on strong
desire
to solicit for your assistance on this mutual beneficial and risk free
transaction with you,which I hope you give urgent attention.
To be precise,I am MR.Edward Agu. the Manager of Auditting/Account
Exchange
at the Foreign Exchange/Remittance Department of Union BANK PLC
Republic Of Nigeria.
In my department, we discovered a sum of (US20,000,000.00)in an
account that belongs to one of our customers who died along with his
entire
family aboard Alaska Airline flight number 261, on 31st of
January,2000.
You can read more about Mr.Morris Thompson and his family's death by
clicking on this
web:http://www.cnn.com/2000/US/02/01/alaska.airlines.list
Since we got information about his death, we have been expecting his
next of
Kin to come over and claim his money,because we can not release it
unless
somebody applied for its next of Kin or Relation to the deceased as
indicated in our banking procedure,but unfortunately to no avail,and
nobody
has come forward to claim the money (because the mentioned next of kin
which
is daugther died as well).
Therefore,upon this discovery I now decide to establish a cordial
business
relationship with you,hence my contacting you.
I want you to purportedly present your good self as the next of Kin or
relation of the deceased so that I can prepare documentations and
release
the funds (US$20 Million)into your account for safety and subsequent
disbursement since nobody is coming for it and again I do not want the
funds
to go into the Government's account as "Unclaimed Bill".
The banking law and procedures herein stipulates that any account
abandoned
or dormant for a period of some years is subjected to be closed and all
money contained therein will be forfeited to the Government Treasury
Account.
The reason for you to present your good self as the next of kin is
occassioned by the fact that the deceased customer was a foreigner.
Mode of sharing after the successful completion of the transfer is as
follows,for the role you will be expected to play in the whole
exercise,I
have agreed to give you Fourty (40%) of the total sum, and the
remaining
60%shall be for me.
In support of the issue at hand, you are urged to reply this letter
indicating your readiness and interest to participate in the
business.After
you reply,you will be advised on the next step forward.
I quite believe that you will protect our interest by keeping this
business
Top Secret and Confidential,as your interest will be equally protected
in
order to achieve and maintain maximum confidentiality.
Hope to hear from you soon as I count on your earliest response
Yours truly,
Mr. Edward Agu
Manager of Auditting/Account
Union Bank,Nigeria Rep.

So lets go over those emails real quick.

Email #1

Im thinking this person is watching mtv on a cracked out satelite dish. Marilyn Manson is ok, but not all the time.

Email #2

I am not a Bush supporter. There are millions of us out there that don't support him. I don't care about the friends I have that do, lets just say I do not like him at all.
I don't know when I faced reality, but it was long ago.
I help my poor people by working at a foodbank volunteering my bum.
I listen to Sigur Ros.

thoughts at that point: I hate you, die. Too bad the tsunami didn't kill you.

Email #3

I told you to shut up, because I didn't want to block you. DUR. I did. You shut up.
Who said shit about marrying anyone?
I think this person has a totally opposite view of me.
Yeah I so want to talk to this insane person.

Email #4

Feminism - I believe everyone should have the same rights. Men & women, reguardless of race, and age.
For those who don't know me well, I DO HIV PREVENTION EDUCATION AWARENESS, AND HIV TESTING.
Just because I do not update anything online does not mean I am lazy. I am too busy with organizations, work, and school.

Email #5

I am a feminist; I am an activist; I am a photographer; I am an amazing person.
My name is not Jane Doe. Jane Doe is what a morgue calls a dead body of the female sex with no name. DUR.
I am not racist.
The only psycho is this little Malaysian man.

the first email

From: xanga@xanga.com  
To: vandalistpunk@yahoo.com
Subject: l love u!!!
Date: Wed, 25 May 2005 09:55:34 -0400

   
baqara_gibran@yahoo.com has sent you this message!
------------------------------------------------------------

hello, still remember me. Well im not married
you...hahahah......marylin manson??....hahaha...its suck!! and fuck you if u listened
it...bloody shit glam rock......

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the second email

From: xanga@xanga.com 
To: vandalistpunk@yahoo.com
Subject: Do you remember that u said to ssyyhhh....
Date: Sat, 20 Aug 2005 23:43:33 -0400

   
baqara_gibran@yahoo.co.uk has sent you this message!
------------------------------------------------------------

Well, u said to me that u american. fan of bush ha@#$#@. What a pity
gal. It's normal an age like u. Full of crisis identity. I understand it.
let me give some advice: you wake up in the shining morning then u
brushed u teeth and then face reality! u just a wannabe craps. u should
move yourself and make your countries much better. Help your poor people
and don't watch fuckin too much. That much important then ignoring some
people. Freedom of speech hahha, what u gonna do. Many diy band are
great than u mention in your 'idol' list. Go listen this band: Sigur Rus.
it can make u thinking more wider then hippies band that u listen for.
It's good to looking someone dumb because it's reality anyway...Chao my
sweetest darling. Remember me in your dreams....hope in wet dreams.
From your long long Boyfriend: Malaysia.

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the third email

From: xanga@xanga.com
To: vandalistpunk@yahoo.com
Subject: Apologized....
Date: Fri, 26 Aug 2005 23:54:42 -0400

   
baqara_gibran@yahoo.co.uk has sent you this message!
------------------------------------------------------------

I'm sorry for the past email that i written to you. i'm notthat kind of
person that you are thinking. Well i remember that we 'meet' in Yahoo
Messenger (i don't know what day/month but it few back ago). I keep your
website/profile in my addres book. Sorry!

We not even chat because you want me to fuckin shut up! And i still
remember that you said in sarcastic ways! I will never married with you
for that nationality craps! What are you thinking! I just want to be
friend. Am i do something wrong. I don't know  if you are racism, fasist or
apartheid or whatever fuckin egocentric that you are. Or maybe you a
rockstar. Huh, fuckin rockstar!!

Or maybe because my English is fuckin hell out and make you ignore me.
You know what, girl are fuckin something. Just looking in outside, it
doesn't matter if their had bloody bastard heart. Maybe i'm right or
maybe wrong. Whatever. Or maybe i'm too emo! I don't know. In the bottom
of my heart, just want to be friend. That all. Not other kind of typical
boy who just think about sex and sex!

My real name is Jasmin Ghazali. My first name is Jasmin. Maybe my name
more like girllish name (actually, i fuckin hate  about my name). But
i'm male 25 years old. I'm from Kuala Lumpur city of Malaysia. I'm into
communist. I like music especially an indie band. I had a band too. I
involved in Food Not Bombs collective in here ( KL Chapter). Right now,
i'm doing my new independent short film. And pretty busy and fuckin
dizzy to complete that.

That all from now. I hope we can be a friend. The reason i want to be
friends with you is to communicate like people do; learning and to
understand as a friend truly meaning. I have lot's of friend but it just 5
minutes friend. Come around and goes around.

Now friends are more economist. And that happen to me..
I'm sorry for something that i said in last email. No heart feeling
o.k.
Until next email ....Hail!!

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the forth email

From: xanga@xanga.com   
To: vandalistpunk@yahoo.com
Subject: ahhahahah....hah!
Date: Sun, 18 Sep 2005 00:13:54 -0400

   
baqara_gibran@yahoo.com has sent you this message!
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yea, you right. you know what the meaning 'world' is when you getting
fuckin older. When you have  your own family and your fuckin child, you
know what life are for.

haha ...feminism; i called it stupid sarcasm. What a pity gal on earth.
Don't get stuck in your own bedroom, look outside and then make you
breath better. What a wannabe gal. You should listen spice girl DIY,
hahaha. You choose an activist website and you don't involved it. Don't talk
an ass talk. It makes you idiot then me (hahaha). Direct action baby!

How did you know human a suffer, being homeless, the massacre of
tsunami, children are infected by hiv or aressted by police bastard and live
in jail while i'm feed poor people 'like you'.
You know what; you are wasted crap!! Hello, don't use a diy comunity
website to show you are 'different' and make you important.
Just do your own fuckin dreamin website and show the world what
imagenary you are ( and not forget about your sleepy, lazy,stink, and
whatsoever.  Please dont put or 'make it info' on what diy scene because it
make me want thrown out in your breast.
BOO!! Ohyeaaaaa! I,m fuckin scare!!!

See you in next email...

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the fifth email

From: xanga@xanga.com 
To: vandalistpunk@yahoo.com
Subject: Remove Your Fuckin/Class Blindfolds.
Date: Sun, 2 Oct 2005 00:20:14 -0400

   
baqara_gibran@yahoo.com has sent you this message!
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Hello,

Where the latest journal? Tired enough? I can't wait to read your
writing. Hei, i'm your number one fans. And for your unpleasant/sarcastic
email, i want to elaborate more of my satisfying. I had 'right' isn't it.
Hhahaha.....freedom of speech.

Why can't you just say hello and well said: " Of course we can be a
friend". is it hard for you to be humble/nice with another person? This is
a psychology thing, if you are not socializing it can make you 'seeing'
negatively. You just blame it everyone and always feel you're right;
thinking you are god, ha.

You know what, you are the most egoist person that i ever know. If i
can put a list of an egoist person (like your 'prefer' profile list --
Whoaa!) you just came out number two. First = Fuckin Bush, Second = YOU!
not bad, hah. I think you both have chemistry on sharing fuckin Bush
'interest' policy. The same you are -- interested on interest.

And what do you think you are? Your shit stink same like me, like us,
like everybody. The irony thing is: you said you are feminism, an
activist but your 'act' seem like your being prejudice (pretend and fuckin
faking!). Or an easy way; you are such hypocrite! Bunch of wannabe!

What on earth that feminism support an abortion? Do your know what i
mean ( because you mean it!). Am i wrong, you tell me. We can debate this
in another email (if...you...are interested/i mean... REALLY). Feminism
is not just bullshit yelling/talking on the street -- seeking an
equality or celebrated a woman day, woman right, woman blablabla...
whatsoever. Anyway it's too fuckin generalised isn'it. It much then you
'thinking'.

Did i don't know you? Hah? What? Don't be a soap opera actress in here.
If i don't know you, don't put your life journal to make a whole
reading it. be carefull. Always keep your diary in safety place and lock it!
And don't ever forget -- swallowed the key! Muhahaha...

Try to accept racial realities, even while struggling to keep
themselves afloat in society with so many written and unwritten rules about
equality. Tolerance of race and religion is the biggest hurdle nowadays.
And it never finished when you 'read' as a vengeances. Not a pastime or
fuckin future. The most important is: Today!!

And that is what i would like to tell a kinda 'people' like you --
there is only one race in the world, the human race.

And of course: The wannabe... it's reality anyway.

And i'm one person who don't give up to get in love with you. Jasmin
Ghaz loved Jane Doe, nice ha...I actually used your name (character) in
my next short film; it's about crisis identity psycho thing. Anyway
thank to give an idea...

Also anyway... actually... err.... I"M FALLIN IN LOVE WITH YOU. Can i
visited you? MMUUAAAHHHH.... Bye.....

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Why do I always get the weird emails?
Why do I have some moron from Malaysia write me somewhat disturbing letters about how I as an American am an idiot. Trust me, there are many Americans out there that are, but I do not believe I am one. These letters need some definite help when trying to read them. So I just keep it as fan mail. I'll post these letters later.
Then, yesterday I got an email from someone in Nigeria wanting me to falsly represent myself as some next of kin and get 40% of 20 million dollars. My email gets some interesting stuff man.
Then this morning, I get some offline message on yahoo. This I will post.
ghost414 (10/12/05 3:13:03 AM): piety_piety (10/12/2005 10:53:31 AM): The Economic and Financial Crimes Commission estimates that Nigeria's past rulers stole or misused 220 Billion Pounds. This amount is as much as all the western aid given to Africa in almost four decades. "The looting of Africa's most populous country amounted to a sum equivalent to 300 years of British aid for the continent." Source: The Telegragh of London, June 25th, 2005 Have you ever thought of what that money could have done for us over the years? if spent judiciously......Remember that you can contribute to corruption through your actions or inactions..help rid Nigeria of corruption by sending this to as many Nigerians as possible..."you do not have power to change the past but you can influence the future" Our future and the future of our chil

If any of you are too timid out there to write me some twisted little letter, I have definitly had my share of weirdness. I just keep it in mind somewhere, and later dismiss it if I am not shot.

Go ahead, email me. I need some fun.

I had a weird dream.

Dream:

I dreamt the toilet bowl at home was overflowing. Not like onto the floor or anything, but was just really full. So I took the plunger to it and like heads of brocolli came flying out. That is when I woke up.